Hermione, Hermione, Let Down Your Hair
by Mariposa Farfalla Borboleta Pa
Summary: Ack, yes, I've written a romance. Be afraid, be very afraid. It's a Rapunzel spoof, and I enjoyed writing it, but it's sorta weird.... (Rated PG for sugar-free gum)


Once upon a time there lived a couple of well-to-do dentists. They were happy, except in one regard. More than anything they wished for a baby. Then one day, the wife felt her dress growing tight around her stomach. The two rejoiced. Finally they would have a child!

The woman liked to watch TV. Every night, she sat on the couch, and gazed at the shimmering screen. One night, she saw a particular ad. "Hermione's Sugar-Free Gum," it announced. The woman watched the screen intently and suddenly she felt an intense craving for sugar-free gum. She stood up and ran to her husband. 

"If I cannot have some sugar-free gum, I shall die!"

The man was alarmed to hear such desperate words. He loved his wife dearly, and saw no choice but to get her sugar-free gum. So he walked to the local convenience store and bought a few packs to bring home. When the wife saw the gum, she immediately ripped open the pack and shoved great gobs of the pink, sticky stuff into her mouth. Smacking her lips loudly, she chewed and chewed. But the craving only grew worse. The next day she sent her husband to the store, but he came back empty-handed.

"I'm afraid they are all out, dearest." His wife grew pale, and looked as if to faint. Suddenly, they heard a loud popping noise, and a tall black-haired woman in emerald robes appeared. The frightened couple stared at her.

"I will grant thy wish for sugar-free gum, but when thy child is born, thou shalt deliver it to me to raise as mine own."

The husband looked at his wife, then back at the woman and nodded slowly. A small smile touched the woman's mouth as she snapped her fingers. A box of sugar-free gum appeared, floating in the air, and she handed it to the man. He took it gratefully, and gave it to his wife. The woman disappeared, but not before muttering, "I will be back." 

And she was. When the baby was born, the woman appeared in the room. She named the girl Hermione after the gum, and carried her away.

The witch, for that is what the woman was, cared for the baby, seeing to her every need. Hermione grew to be a child with large front teeth and an abundance of bushy, brown hair. When she reached the age of eleven, the witch took her to live in a high tower. The tower was part of a gigantic school for witchcraft and wizardry, and though it looked narrow from the outside, within it was filled with lots of cozy rooms. Yet no door led to this tower, and it only had one window, at the very top. 

When the witch wished to enter the tower to visit Hermione, she stood below the window and called, "Hermione, Hermione, let down your hair." Then Hermione would unpin her bushy braids, wind them around a hook on the window frame, and let them tumble all the way to the ground. The witch would grab hold of them and hoist herself up. 

  
For years Hermione lived alone in the tower, visited only by the witch. Then one day the youngest son in a family with a long history of wizard blood (except for one cousin who was an accountant) came riding by the tower on his broom. As he passed by, he heard a voice sweeter than a sugar-spun quill. It was Hermione, singing as she studied her lessons. Charmed by her voice, the boy wanted to meet her. He got off his broom, and circled the tower, but could find no entrance. Looking up, he decided he would have to fly up to the top, so he hopped on his broom, and soared upwards. When he reached the window, he stepped through, and into the tower.

"Stars and moons," Hermione murmured as she looked at the young man. He was tall and lanky, with a long nose, and a face dusted with freckles. She smiled nervously.

"Thine singing was so beautiful, that mine heart could not rest until I saw thy face." He looked up at her. "And indeed, thy face is even lovelier than thy voice." Hermione blushed a soft pink.

"I'm afraid I must get back to my studies. I thank thee kindly for coming to visit."

"The pleasure is mine," said he, then jumped back on his broom and flew out. But the next evening he came again. And the one after that. Sometimes they played chess, sometimes she read to him, and sometimes they just talked. Neither one knew it, but they were beginning to fall in love.

Then one day, while the witch was visiting Hermione, she found a lock of red hair. "Oh, thou wicked child! Thou hast been consorting with a Weasley! I thought I had kept thee safe here, away from the cruel world!" 

In a rage she seized a pair of scissors and sheared off Hermione's bushy hair. Then she sent the poor girl to the Forbidden Forest with no one to care for her. Hermione roamed the woods, barely finding enough food to keep alive.

Once the witch had cast Hermione from the tower, she waited for the young man to come. When he flew up beside the window, she brought out her wand and pointed it at his head. "Optus Nixus!" She shouted, and a jet of red light shot towards the boy's eyes. He shrieked and clutched his hands to his face. Suddenly he was plummeting towards the ground.

Although the fall should have killed him, the young man lived. But he was blind. He stumbled from place to place, living off the land, thinking of no one but his beloved Hermione. After months of wandering he came to the Forbidden Forest. There he heard the beautiful voice he remembered from long ago, and rushed toward it. Hermione saw him and opened her arms to him, weeping.

As Hermione hugged the young man, a tear slid down her cheek and into his eyes. He looked up at her, and she noticed he was blind.  
"Oh, thou art blind! I can easily fix that! Optus!" Suddenly his vision grew clear and he could see again. He gazed at beautiful Hermione and smiled. 

The End

Oh yeah, and they lived happily ever after.

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A/N: _I used the picture book, _Rapunzel, _by Paul O. Zelinsky, as a reference while writing this story. It's a really awesome book with BEAUTIFUL illustrations. I recommend you check it out at your local library, next time you have a chance._


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